Not My Circus: Setting Boundaries

Kim shares personal insights on family drama, setting boundaries, and personal growth, emphasizing the importance of not getting involved in unnecessary conflicts.

Kim Benoy is a retired RN, Certified Aromatherapist, wife and mom who is passionate about inspiring and encouraging women over 40. She wants you to see your own beauty, value and worth through sharing stories of other women just like you.

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Transcript

Kim-Midlife with Courage™ 

Hello and welcome back to Midlife with Courage Unfiltered. I am Kim Benoit, as you know. I'm so thankful that you're here. I love that you are supporting the show and you're wanting a little bit extra. So today I'm gonna apologize in advance. It may be a little bit of a rant, a rent, a rant or vent, I'm not quite sure. I started actually, I wrote a little blurb in the newsletter, my my weekly newsletter.

out every Monday and I was talking about a situation where I had I was really I've I'm coming off the this two-week time where I had these amazing women's events and I had a work conference kind of shoved in the middle of that and I was just the the events that I spoke at and I interacted with

were so amazing and so uplifting and women were so supportive and I was so just floating along basically. And then this week I a situation came and I didn't mention in the newsletter who it was or more details but I'll say it here because this is this is a subscription and I know it's private basically. but it was with a family member and

There was a birthday party that someone didn't technically get invited to, and that person got upset, and after the fact, of course, it wasn't addressed before, so that it could have been taken care of. and my my mother got involved and and I I wasn't going to get involved at all. It wasn't my issue, it wasn't my problem. But because my mother was

four hours away and upset like she was supposed to be on vacation. My parents were out on a vacation road trip kind of thing and I said, okay, fine. I will talk to them and I'll see what I can do. But, you know, I didn't know. So anyway, I didn't want to, but I just, you know, I I I sorta got involved a little bit. I I encouraged the person who didn't invite the other person to apologize because that's really crappy.

Kim-Midlife with Courage™ (02:27.968)

It's really crappy not to invite someone to a part a family. Get together. Unless they've done something so outrageously bad that and it would have to in my book it would have to be pretty bad. But anyway, the reasons that were given, which they were trying to tell me, like I was getting it from both sides and I was really trying not to soak it in, which I didn't. I I just took the information and okay.

And at first I was thinking, I'm gonna make sure that this one knows that. No, stop. I am not involved. Again, not my circus, not my monkeys. So I asked this person to apologize. And she responded with all the things that the other person said about her because she wasn't invited. And this is where I I stopped. I'm I'm not getting sucked down into that. because yeah, it's not mine. Not mine to carry.

So I ended it both with with each person. I said the same thing. Well, hopefully you can work this out someday. And that's it. I didn't go back into it. I didn't talk about it anymore. I didn't share. I I don't care. I'm done. So it was probably more than I should have done, but it showed some growth because in the past, like I said, I would have, I probably would have.

Said, well, she said that you said this and that upset her, and I'm not I don't want to be the mediator. I don't want to be the you know, I I did what I could more than probably what I should have, but I'm done. And boy, does that feel good. It feels so good to not get sucked into that drama. Okay, this was family drama. I think I said that already, and I don't want to get sucked into it, and I don't need to get sucked into it. Before, in the past, I would.

get more involved and then it would I would take on these those emotions and I would be the one who had trouble sleeping or was my stomach would be clenched or you know stressed out about it when it wasn't even mine to be stressed out about. It's not it didn't directly affect me and I refuse to be sucked into things that I do not have to be involved with. So that

Kim-Midlife with Courage™ (04:54.262)

That was a growth moment for me. I felt good about that. And you know, bless and release. Bless and release. I'm done. I did what I could more than I should have. And now it's done. So I felt good about that. So I just wanted to share that with you because we all have family and we all have drama. And the older I get, the less of that drama I want. And the less I want to be drawn into it. And

Sometimes, you know, we think, well, I can't help it. It's just part of the family. It's part of the dynamics. It doesn't have to be. You have a choice. You don't have to get drawn into it. You don't have to engage. You can be the person that says, Go work it out. I can't help you. I and I'm not going to I'm not going to be part of it. So just let it go. You may

That may spark some not good communication, but if it's from f if the communication on your part is mature and responsible and effective and appropriate, you don't have to worry about anything else. Let them rant and rave or whatever they need to do. That's fine. You know, that's what I've learned anyway.

with my lovely family. So if there's any family things that you would like to chat about, I would love to hear them. you can be anonymous, of course. You can always you can always be anonymous. And if you know if there's something you want me to share, I will share it anonymously, of course. But families are there's some interesting stuff that goes on, isn't there? and it's not just my own personal family.

in laws too, you know, people can look so perfect and nice and you know, whatever on the surface and to the outside world, but you know that they're not always like that. That that's not always appearances are not always what they seem to be. So it's just interesting to me. And it's kind of funny for some reason I've been

Kim-Midlife with Courage™ (07:23.466)

on I've been on Facebook way too much. I've been doom scrolling. It's so bad. I'm trying to make myself stop and I'm having a hard time. but one of the things that I've been seeing that come up on my feed are these like meddling mother in laws with their sons. And I I think it's there's a series. I think it's on TLC. It's something about something about mothers and sons. But anyway, it's

There's a two that keep popping up and one is a couple that's getting married and the mother thus the guy's mom is so meddling and she wants things her way and she's not listening to the bride and she's turning whenever something comes up that she wants that the bride doesn't want, she'll say things like, Well, I don't think Jason would like this. I don't think he's getting heard. No lady, you're not getting heard, you're not getting your way and so

It's just so interesting to me how women can just how mothers in law can be like that. They can they can have this relationship with their son and they're so threatened by the the new the wife. It's it's just it's it's weird and crazy and it's kind of a a guilty pleasure to be honest. the second one, the the second situation, I think

I I just see bits and pieces. I see little scenes and videos that pop up and the the mother in law is bad. She is if this couple tries like the the guy wanted to take his fiance to New York for her birthday and the mom went along. She wanted she said she was going too. Like anything they do, she has to be there too. And she openly says it, like they interview her on the camera and she's well where he goes, I have to go. He's my son.

You know, he wants me there. And the funniest part is the son just lets her do it. He will not stand up to her at all. And that in that one, the the the woman, the fiance, girlfriend, whatever she was, she left. She's done. Like she saw it. She kept it's like, no kidding, girl, get your butt out of there. That is so bad. But it's just fascinating to me like how people act and how how other people let them act.

Kim-Midlife with Courage™ (09:47.49)

basically it's so interesting so I don't know how I got off into that tangent with family but maybe that's why but anyway that's what I had for you this week or this month so I hope I feel better after saying it and sharing it hopefully that will help you as well and let me know if there's something you want me to talk about in these episodes I would love to do that just click on the talk to Kim link in the show notes and leave me a message

And we can chat or you can always send me an email too. If you don't want to be anonymous, you can send me an email at kim at midlife with courage dot com. All right, I will see you next time. I hope you have a fabulous day. Bye-bye.