Curiosity and Confidence in Midlife with Sue Willoughby

In this episode of Midlife with Courage™, host Kim welcomes Sue Willoughby, a passionate coach from the Seattle area who integrates horses into her coaching practice. 

Sue shares her inspiring journey of growing up with an alcoholic mother, moving across the country, and exploring various interests like stand-up comedy, acting, and piloting. 

They delve into topics of courage, overcoming fear, and finding confidence in midlife. Sue emphasizes the importance of maintaining curiosity and awareness to help women flourish after 40. 

Listen in as Sue offers insights on how horses can help in personal growth and transformation.

00:00 Welcome to Midlife with Courage
00:17 Meet Sue Willoughby: A Journey with Horses
01:34 Sue's Courageous Life Story
03:34 From Horses to Coaching: Sue's Path
07:23 Building Confidence in Midlife
13:20 Sue's Adventures: Comedy, Acting, and More
16:28 Embracing New Experiences
21:52 Sue's Coaching and Retreats
23:59 Final Thoughts and Farewell

You can find all of Sue's offerings including her podcast and social media links on her website: www.willoughbycoaching.com.

Get your free ebook called Daily Habits for Hormonal Harmony by going to my website. This free guide will help you balance your hormones through some easy daily activities. 

Just add your email to the popup and your guide will be on its way to your inbox.

From morning until bedtime, you can help yourself feel better! 

Reserve your spot today to get in on the very first Courage & Confidence Hour!

Transcript

0:33

You are listening to midlife with courage. This is where women in midlife come for inspiration, motivation, and sometimes a little education to help them flourish. After 40, don't forget to hit that follow button so you don't miss an episode. Now let's get started. Hello everyone and welcome back to Midlife With Courage. I am Kim Benoy, your host, and I'm so happy to have you all here. I'm also very happy to have my guest here with me today. Her name is Sue Willoughby. Welcome to the podcast, Sue. Hi Kim. Thanks for having me on. I'm happy to be here today. Yes. Little do the listeners know. We've already been talking for quite a while because we share a love of horses. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So why don't you introduce yourself. Tell us where in the world you are and what you're doing. Okay, great. Yeah, Sue Willoughby, that's my name. And I am in the Seattle area, so the Pacific Northwest. And I'm originally from the East coast, so I'm originally from the Northeast, so I kinda did a little migration across the country, just a little. And I, yeah, just a little, but I've been out here for over 30 years and I just love it. I grew up with horses. Part of the reason that we were talking about them and I use them currently in my coaching practice, so I partner with horses as. A very intuitive feedback loop and a mirror for my clients to work with. So that's, it's a really interesting thing to do. Horses are very intuitive. They're very heart-centered and they do keep us honest, so yes, they do. Yeah. Well I wanna talk more about your story, but first tell us about a time in your life when you felt courageous or you showed courage. Well I would say that that is kind of a daily occurrence. Mm-hmm. I, the way I grew up, and a little bit of a backstory in there. I grew up and my mom was, well, for all intents and purposes, a single parent. My parents split up when I was like 11, and my mom was an alcoholic. So I grew up pretty quickly and I was very independent or I, I had to be very independent. So I guess that kind of, that courage. I don't know if it was courage or stupidity when I was younger. But, but it led me to just try new things. Anything that came up. Like learning to fly. I got my private pilot's license. I mean, there's so many instances in my life that a lot of people would say, wow, that was really courageous. And I was just like, oh, I was just interested in that. So I figured I'd give it a shot, you know? So it's kind of like, you know, I grew up in discomfort, so getting outta my comfort zone. You know, was pretty easy because my comfort zone was already discomfort. But courage is something that I think personally, you know, there's the other side of courage is fear, right? Mm-hmm. And I think that looking at those things together and separately is an interesting way to. And I work with my clients to, you know, get out of their comfort zone and try new things. And it does take courage, but fear is sometimes so hard to overcome. So I've done a lot of things that's taken courage. Yes, it sure sounds like it. I love to have my guests talk about, where they started, where they came from mm-hmm. And kind of gives us an idea of why they're doing what they're doing now. Yeah. Where would, would you like to share any of that? You weren't always a, a coach and Right. Helping other women, so, can we talk about that a little bit? Yeah. And you know, it kind of goes back to my, my original roots and. Part of those roots were having horses around. I remember when my mom and I moved to Connecticut and I was probably about 13 or 14 or something, and I noticed that there was a riding stable across the street and I had grown up with horses. When I was young. I would have my mom take me to the barn, you know, in three feet of snow. I grew up in upstate New York and. It just felt good to me. It was like my happy place and my safe place because I never knew kind of what I was gonna get at home. And the horses just, they accepted me and I felt comfortable and it just, the, you know, the sense of them and their energy and I didn't realize why I felt so good at the time. Mm-hmm. It just did, it just felt natural. It just felt good. Mm-hmm. And then when we moved to Connecticut, I was across the street before the car even stopped and begging the, you know, grizzly old guy that owned the barn to let me clean stalls just for the privilege of riding. Sure. Which he did happily. He's like, sure, come on kid. I don't care. Yeah. As someone who's cleaned stalls before, I know that that's a big deal. Absolutely. I. I love it. To this day, I still love cleaning stalls. Yeah. I find it very sort of meditative and just quiet and, you know but so horses just continued to be a thread. I kind of got away from it for a while in my, you know, teenage years'cause I was doing other crazy things. But then they always would seem to weave themselves back in and. I had an opportunity to, or, well, I saw an ad in the paper. This is back in the seventies, right? It was a long time ago. Where they needed camp counselors and horseback riding coaches or, you know, instructors for this camp, for individuals with special needs. So I wrote them a letter. Put it in the mail, send it off, you know, old school, remember letters, mailbox and all that kind of stuff. I kind of remember that. Yes. Stamped. And long story short, I ended up going to summer camp and being part of their therapeutic writing program, which I didn't even know what that was at the time. I just thought it was fun and interesting and I went back multiple summers to do the same thing. And that was kind of my introduction into horses, being able to. Work with and as part of a partnership with, with. People in general. Mm-hmm. Later on in life, I volunteered at a therapeutic riding center for real and actually knew what it was. And then I got into equine massage because my heart is really with the horses. It's not that, it's not with the people. Mm-hmm. And so now it has evolved where I can partner with horses and people and bring a healing container and atmosphere. So that's kind of the, yeah. And there was a lot of detours along the way. Trust me.'Cause you did some other, I think you were into real estate investing and some other things I read in your Yeah. Biography and stuff. I get what you're saying about the horses and what, like, realizing like you didn't realize what they were doing for you because, I didn't have horses as a kid, but as I grew up and, it took me a while to figure it out, but when I go to the barn and I was really stressed out, I'd feel better. Mm-hmm. And sometimes I, if I hadn't gone to the barn to be around the horses for a while, I'd get so like frustrated and stressed out and like, I need to go to the barn. I finally figured it out. Yes. Those horses are helping me. Just, just being, being around'em.'cause yeah, I was nervous about riding, but just being around'em and yeah, having that, you, you walk into the barn and you hear the knickers and hellos and, you know, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And they're communicating with each other all the time and they're, you know, they're just really incredible beings. So, here, here we are. Back at the horses again. Sorry. Yes. Here we are. No, that's okay. That's okay. Let's talk about confidence a little bit. Mm-hmm. Because that's kind of one of my new, a little focus that I'm working on with women in midlife. How do women find their confidence at this age? Do you have any thoughts on that? Yeah, I think, you know, a lot of it has to do with identity where, you know, women reach a certain age and they have, they find themselves in this identity that they've either maybe outgrown or want to outgrow. Mm-hmm. Whether it be, you know, a corporate level, you know, position or something, and. Or having raised a family, which is a huge deal. Mm-hmm. And now they're like, well, now what do I do? Right. The kids are gone and now I've been, you know, this CEO of the home and now I just don't, you know, they don't realize that they have a lot of. Skills that are transferable and, and I think that, you know, it's interesting because I think men sort of excel as they get older in some ways where they just automatically have that confidence. And I think women, yes, there's are a lot of powerful, confident women out there, but I think when women reach their middle age, they think, well, you know, what is left for me? What do I, you know? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna just kind of. Be quiet and, and fade into the backdrop. So I think getting over that and realizing, starting to regain your curiosity and regain your awareness of what really lights you up. And I work with people in that regard. We lose our curiosity, you know, we get in our routines, we get stuck in our identities, we get all of this stuff, and then. To like, you know, take off the glasses that are one identity put on, you know, and look at things with fresh eyes and start being curious again. Mm-hmm. I think that can help people build their confidence. Like, oh, there's a lot of things that I can do. There's a lot of things that I've put on the back burner that I can take off the back burner now because I have time, or I have resources, or I have whatever. Mm-hmm. So I think, you know, for me. Helping people build their confidence is just helping them build their curiosity and their awareness mm-hmm. Of what's going, you know, because there's so many things that we see on a regular basis that we. Know, we're like, we just take so many things for granted. Yeah. It's like if you start looking at things like a little kid would look at something, you know, they'd be like, oh, that's fantastic. Ooh, that's so exciting. You know, me, I have kind of a DHD and I think everything's exciting all the time. Yes, I totally have the squirrel syndrome. Yeah. But we tend to push those things down and not be curious about things and be like, okay, I've gotta just do this next thing. Put one foot in front of the other, you know? Mm-hmm. Take care of this person, do that. And we put ourselves on the back burner. Sure. So when did this all happen for you? Or did, I'm assuming it did happen for you because you're doing these wonderful things. Well, like I said before, Kim, I think it, it's not something that happened overnight. I mean, I, mm-hmm. I've definitely evolved. At one point in my life when I was living on the East coast, I actually met someone who was someone different and kind of outside of my. Current scope of friends and so forth who challenged me to try new things and, you know, and actually I moved across country with them. Mm-hmm. And. Started a new life and that was sort of a pivotal point for me. And I was probably about 30, I was in my thirties, I think. Mm-hmm. And it really did change my life. Having that opportunity to be taken out of physically the environment that I was in, that wasn't the healthiest environment for me. Mm-hmm. And be challenged by people who came from different backgrounds than I came from and had different types of jobs that were, you know, what I felt in some ways I had, you know, big insecurity complex and I felt sort of like, I will say inferior. I mean it was hard for me to be around people that, you know, went to Ivy League schools and all that.'cause that was not my background. But it did. Encouraged me to, you know, to do something different, to try new things. I started doing standup comedy. I took acting classes. I I went back to school, which, you know, okay, here's the truth. I quit high school twice because I just didn't. I didn't fit in. I didn't like it. I was bored, remember of the A DHD thing. I'm pretty sure I've been un undiagnosed all these years. And I just wasn't challenged. You know, I, my mom used to tell me that I was too smart, you know, for my own good and, which was probably a little bit true. So that gave me the opportunity to, you know, go back to school and learn new stuff. I got into technology. All of a sudden I, you know, was looking at, you know. Careers that were in tech. And so then I, I went into corporate training and instructional design for many years and had a, you know, six figure career there. And so it really, that was a real pivotal point for me. It also then I started a more of a spiritual journey. I was exposed to energy work and spirituality and all of those things, and it just kept layering and layering and layering to. Force me to do some internal work and some internal, you know, self-evaluation and therapy and all of that stuff and peel back those layers and really address some issues that I was not addressing. Yeah. That's hard to do. Mm-hmm. Right? When we get quiet with ourselves, things get really loud. And I think that that is very challenging for people. I love that. That's so true. And as much as we wanna avoid it, if we wanna grow and change and do mm-hmm. We can't avoid that, that happening. Yeah. Yeah. My goodness. So let's go back to something you mentioned,'cause it's really interesting to me, the standup comedy and acting. Talk about that. That sounds There's part of me terrifying, right? Really cool. Yeah. Like, I wanna try that, but yeah. So why, why that, you know well, I. I've always had a very healthy sense of humor, and it is probably one of the biggest things that has saved me from all of my dark times. That and horses. Mm-hmm. But I've always had a sense of humor and it used to be a lot more biting and sarcastic and kind of like, not really nice, right? Mm-hmm. But, but looking at the humorous side of life and, and looking at yourself humorously and like. It really does take a lot of the angst and the anger and all of this stuff out. It just deflates it because like, oh, you do something stupid and you laugh at it. It is like, okay, well, you know, that's why a lot of comedians do self-deprecating humor because. It, it sort of deflates all this stuff that they're dealing with and, and, yeah. And so I just took a couple of standup comedy classes and, and it was part of the, you know, acting school that I was in. Mm-hmm. And it was just fun. It was fun and improvisational stuff was fun. Like I said, I'm the type of person that if there's something that I'm interested in mm-hmm. I try it. Yeah. It doesn't mean that you have to be, you know, put in the 10,000 hours and be, you know. The next Rosie O'Donnell or you know, whatever. You don't have to do that, but at least explore those opportunities and try it out. I mean, did I wanna be a standup comic and, no, not really. It was horrifying to be, in the holding pen when you're waiting for your opportunity to go up on stage for open mic nights. It was just. But I did it. Oh my gosh. Did. And it was, it was fun. And I, you know, I enjoyed it. So could I go back and do it now when I'm not so self-conscious? Probably. And I probably would have a lot more fun with it. Sure. So, sure. But it was a little horrifying at the time. I bet. I bet. It's like saying something and wait for people to laugh, like, right. Yeah. But you, you brought up a really good point in there too, like. I don't know if, because I'm competitive or just how I was brought up or whatever, I wanna be the best at whatever I'm doing. Right. But we don't have to be the best at whatever we're doing because we're doing it for ourselves. Mm-hmm. And I think you hit the nail on the head there, is that. Once again, if we go back to, you know, looking at things with fresh eyes mm-hmm. Nobody wants to be a beginner. Right. You said you wanna be the best at it. Mm-hmm. Well, to be the best, you have to start somewhere and you have to really suck at what you're doing first because you're not, if you don't suck at it, you're never gonna get better. Right. So people don't want to be. They don't want to look like a beginner. They don't wanna look foolish. And that's another reason that people don't try new things is because I don't wanna look silly. Right. I don't wanna, I don't wanna look like a beginner. I don't know how to do that. Well, great. Learn how to do it. That's the fun part. Learning is the fun part. Like I'm a lifelong learner. I will try just about anything and I have tried just about anything. Yeah. Two years ago at 63, I decided to learn how to play polo or start playing taking polo lessons. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. Of course, I promptly fell off and shattered my wrist during a polo match. But you know, there's that. There's that. But it was fun. I mean, the, the, you know, the p it was fun until then, right? The street from me. And even then it, that didn't stop me. I mean, I, you know, went back. That stopped me for the season, for sure. Yeah. But, you know, then I went back and hopped up and do a little stick and ball now and again. That's so cool. Yeah. So, I mean, it, it really, yeah. I think it's just like fear of looking like a beginner and, and it's okay. And especially if you do have a competitive nature. And I think we all do. I always say, oh, I'm not competitive until I get in a competitive situation. And then I'm like, yeah, I wanna win for sure. Get outta my way. Watch out. It's my turn. That's why I fell off the horse. Oh no. Oh my gosh. Yeah, so. Sometimes, I think though, when we get into our midlife time, we kinda lose that. Some of those fears though, because, things like, if I go to the store without putting makeup on, that used to be like a huge thing. If I go outta my house right, without makeup now I'm like, I don't care. Right. You know? Yeah. So do you think there's some point where we kind of, it's a little easier to, to explore and do those things'cause we lose a little bit of that fear or maybe we're accepting of it or something? Yeah, and I think, you know, the, like what you're talking about is like we, you know, like, well I don't care how I look when I go to the grocery store or whatever, is a little bit different than trying something new, right? Like, yeah, yeah. It was a bad example, but No, but I understand what you're saying. It's like we. We give less of a, you know, what about things? Yes. In some ways, like, like we are who we are and I think that it, but it still takes a bit of understanding and self-confidence to not go put on a full face of makeup to go to the grocery store. Right. And then I do think though that yes, you're, you're right. And I think that still. We struggle trying to find that extra oomph to like, we may not care how we, you know, look when we leave the house, however, how we look, you know, how we show up to try something new or to actually take a step to, go in a different direction is a little bit different.'cause then that's like, okay, well I'm out of the house in sweatpants, however, I, I am not ready to jump out of an airplane yet. Right? So baby steps, baby steps, right? Baby steps. And I think that you don't, not not caring as much about what people think is, is a healthy thing. And, and I'm not saying that you, you know, look, have to look like alumb all the time, but just, that does help you with when you try something new, like, it's okay if I look silly. Mm-hmm. It's okay if I wanna take dancing lessons or, you know, go to the boxing gym and don't know how to skip rope because I haven't done it since I was five. That was a true story. So yes, I think that getting more grounded in our middle age and being like, you know what, it doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. Is a big, is. It's definitely a, a big plus. Yeah, for sure. And you said you're a pilot too? Yes. You do all these things? I have done a lot of things and once again, it comes from just trying stuff. Yeah. And just, I. Yeah, I that's so cool. Someone gave me a, you know, one of those free flight lessons, and then I was like, okay, well now I wanna get my pilot's license. And they're like, well, that's not exactly what I had in mind. I thought you'd just have a fun adventure. No, no, no. I'm gonna get my pilot's license and then I'm gonna buy a plane because that's how I roll. Oh gosh. Did you have, do you have your own plane? I don't anymore, and I'm not, I'm not a current pilot. I mean, I'll always have my pilot's license, but I'm, I'm out of currency because if you don't fly all the time, it. It's a dangerous Yeah. And you know, it's expensive to Sure. You know, bore holes in the sky for no apparent reason. Yeah. So it's good. Always good to have a purpose. Oh my gosh. So what, what's something you haven't done yet that you wanna do? Oh, golly. Gee. Well, I don't really have a bucket list. I think, you know I would like to travel more. Mm-hmm. And I would like to. I, I wanna give back more. Mm-hmm. And I want to do something, and this sounds kind of grandiose, but I want to bring more positive energy to the greater good and the greater consciousness level to mm-hmm. You know, raise up the vibration of, I don't know if you wanna say the universe, right. So, I mean, just to continue to contribute. Positive energy and positive actions to, you know, not just help, you know, other women, but yes, help other women so that they can do the same thing so that they can, you know, be empowered and, and do the things that they love. So, you know, I think travel and just be a better person and bring that energy to the greater consciousness. Yeah, that sounds kind of woo woo, but love it. I like woo woo. We're all about the woo woo here. Love the woo woo. We love it. Yeah. We've talked about the horses and your horse coaching. Do you wanna share about that a little bit more and maybe let the listeners know where they can find you and learn more about that. Yeah, absolutely. So just, we've talked about therapeutic riding, but the coaching that I do is all on the ground, so there's no riding experience, there's none of that. And basically you're just being with the horse. Now, for those of you who don't know, I will say really quickly that horses, because I hear this a lot of times, I'm afraid of horses or somebody's had a quote unquote bad experience with a horse. Horses are prey animals. They're big. Prey animals, but they are still prey animals. And because of that, their nature is to be hyper aware of their surroundings. And they also connect with humans because they're also herd animals. And when we're with them, we are part of their herd. So they do connect with us on a very heart-centered. Level. So it's all about the communication and how you show up in relationship and activities around that. The horses are at liberty, so they get to do whatever they want and just be a horse. And it teaches you a lot about how you're showing up and where you are and, and how you are being, and also finding your, your core and your center. So it is very, very grounding that way. I also coach online. As well without the horses, because I've developed a little bit of a horse since over the years. And then I have retreats. I have a retreat coming up in Paa Robles, California. I don't know when this will will air, but that's gonna be in mid-October. Okay. Of this year. And. Yeah, so you can find me@willoughbycoaching.com. Okay. I'm also on Instagram at Sue Willoughby and you know, Facebook and the other things as well. But those are the two main places where I hang out. Oh, and I also have a podcast, midlife Strategies for Badass Women. There you go. Love it. Love it. Yes. That's awesome. We'll put the links to your website and your podcast in the show notes for people. Sounds great. Yeah. Is there any, I don't, I just wanna keep talking to you. We can have a part two, we can have a little mini series. Yes, yes. But before we say, say goodbye to the listeners, is there any one last message you wanna share with them? Be curious, regain your curiosity and your sense of awareness. You know, even if you're going the same path to work or to the store, or to whatever, you know, maybe take a different path or notice some things that you may have just taken for granted and never noticed before. Look at things with fresh eyes, and I think it'll give you a different perspective on life. Love it. Wonderful. Sue, thank you so much for talking with me today. Thank you. Really enjoyed this. You, it's been a pleasure. Yeah. So hug those horses and I will talk to you soon. Sounds great. Thanks Kim. You've been listening to the Midlife with Courage Podcast. If you liked what you heard, I would love it if you would leave me a review or even better send a link of this episode to a friend. Until next time, take care of your beautiful self.